Two things you NEVER want to hear when you are sunbathing at the community pool, “Hey, I bet I can guess your weight,” and “I bet you weigh a lot more than you look.”
Yeah, so this goes down in the Why Do I Attract Such Strange People archives. I’m sunning at the pool, reading the book of the day (She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb) and this jolly looking red-haired old man taps me on the shoulder. I look up from my reading bliss and the man standing before me apologizes for bothering me, and says he noticed me getting out of the pool, and wanted to guess my weight. He explained that he used to guess peoples ages and weights for a living at an amusement park, and I am the type of person he can never really guess correctly.
Hm. I looked deep into his eyes, searching for a hint of psychopath or a tad of pervert. His eyes read “genuine.” I am sure he just wanted someone to talk to anyway, an analgesic to soothe the bighting pain that life sometimes emits. I bet people never give him the time of day, unsightly looking man that he was. Pudgy eye sockets and patches of sparse fiery red hair (SEE ALSO: the antitheses of clown; CARBON COPY: WifeLeftHimUnemployedJustTryingToSurvive).
So, he asked me if I minded if he guesses my weight. Being a person who finds herself mixed up in the weirdest situations imaginable, of course I go along with this man’s pleas
After an awkward moment of him gawking at my bikini-clad body, he guesses 157. He missed the mark. In the industry, we would call this “failure” with a touch of “defeat”. I let him down gently, with the news. He laughed. I smiled. “See, what did I tell you, I always have a hard time with your type.” Isn’t that the truth (I think to myself)… and I continued reading.
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