My heart goes out.

It’s not easy coming to grips with death and destruction and the wrath of Mother Nature. 100,000 people, families, villages, friends, lovers, enemies, dreamers, children, parents, generations, lives, destroyed.

And somehow it’s different this time, because the death toll is so high, and you can’t help to think about it, but what can you do, and what can you say. You mention it in conversation, as if remembrance of those struggling will help the missing and the ailing and the half-gone. For me it is a matter of deliberation.

I think about people all over the world, children weeping and diseased, in pain. Teenagers struggling to survive. Parents fearing for their offspring. Thousands of years of evolving and revolving, and still we can’t fight the common cold.

But WE can fight. And fight we do... everyday, we find a new reason to make war with another nation. Every second, someone is plotting against a country, or a race, or a religious group. We fight, in the name of Death, because Life is just too complicated.

Struggle.

But this one is man vs. nature. Don’t worry, man vs. man is coming soon.

So the next time you complain about your job, or that your morning coffee is too hot, or that the elevators take too long, or the waitress you have is too slow, or your parents don’t love you, or your friends don’t care about you, or your house is too small, or your money is not enough, or your girlfriend flirts too much. Think Death.

It looms like dishonesty.

Mein Kampf. What about yours?

We spend our entire lives trying to become whole after the half-life that was taken through our childhood. We swear we will never return to whence we came, to the town that stole our livelihood, our dreams, our hopes, or what should have been our reality.

We make secret pacts to ourselves, never to return to our past, our awful pasts, and that we will not let all that has made us who we are haunt us. We are different.

You and I, we are not that small hick-town we were born in. Or that corner store we used to hang around, or that kid from down the block that would never do anything or be anyone or go anywhere.

I returned. But don’t you know who you are? Didn’t you always?

You are not your past, you may not even be your present, but you can be your future. So get past it. Life ends. And given the latest headlines, perhaps the end is closer than we assume:

Dollar hits new low versus euro

- The US dollar has continued its record-breaking slide and has tumbled to a new low against the euro.
Russia and China plan war games

- Russia and China - former Cold War foes - will hold an unprecedented military exercise in the second half of 2005.

Asia battles earthquake aftermath

- Many do not know if missing relatives are dead or alive. Survivors and rescuers are battling the devastation left by sea surges that wiped out entire communities, killing about 23,000 people.

'Artificial life' comes step closer

-Researchers at Rockefeller University in the US have made the first tentative steps towards creating a form of artificial life.


What’s it all about? You. Me. Love. Life. Forgiveness. Faith. Honor. Money. Individuality. Respect. Trusts. Death. Living. Giving. Trying. Buying. Sighing. Knowing. Showing. Growing. It’s all what you make of it.

So stop thinking you’ll be happy when you get “that” job, or have “that” much money, or when you find “that” someone. Because it’s not really where you’ve been, or what you're doing now, it’s where your going.

Well… have you bought your ticket yet?

Not really busy, more like occupied of mind. Mental states like Jersey drives, she’s in like. Thinking consumed, feelings exhume, not enough room, for the both of:

US (gait moves closer)

Ode To Sleep


Let's just say that Alpha The Great has taken a break from her usual scandalous rendezvous' and had been retiring early.

Sleep: rejuvenate me
Sleep: recreate me
Sleep: dominate me

11 hour naps (she said) and still she's late to work.

Docile dreams of hanging Life's laundry (she thought).
Acquiescent being of non-destruction (she whispered).
The conjugation of Remiss and Hebetude

Well rested.

But alas, the weekend beckons…

I slept.

And it was the slumber that most only dream about.

12 hours, locked in the chambers of my mind escape
this is what she came up with:

A sitcom about something, instead of nothing
A movie about everything, instead of one thing
A conflict

What sells?
What cells…turn a profit?

Dissidence meets with Rivalry, they get divorced and have a stepchild, and Discord gets a front seat view.

25 years on earth, and you're no millionaire. Maybe that's just not where your aortic valve leads.

You should have a house
You should have a job
You should have a life
You should have a marriage
You should have a…
Or maybe, I'm just happy with a good cup of coffee.

I'm a producer, and a conducer and a inducer.

Watch me writhe (I need an outlet)

Because I'm not where you want me to be, and I'm not where my life can be seen, and I'm not part of the celebrity scene. Or maybe you should just listen to silence (golden).

I'm ready. So don't disburden your truckload of worriment my way (I'm no one)
So put that in your bevy of nonchalance, and tell me another song.

P.S. She's…not who you want her to be (go figure).

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

There, that's better.

It bothers me.

New York was the city I both loved and loathed equally. Los Angeles is the city that I neither love or loathe similarly.

Let me begin by stating, life is less than short. I feel like this particular Blog is going to focus more on you, instead of me. I see it everyday. Mundane has taken control of the lives that inhabit this earth.

Don't you know that your time here is short? Live it. Fall in love, then fall on your face. Break hearts. Be broken. Skydive. Go up to that boy you've been dreaming about. Give that girl from the coffee shop down the street a flower. Apply to that job that you know you could do better than anyone else.

What do you have to lose? I'll tell you… TIME. Your wasting time with every breath you take. POOF (it's over), and your still complaining about your boss. Tell him to shove his grandesoylatte up his ass, AND LIVE.

Is it about money? Maybe for you it is, or maybe it's about people, or maybe it's just about life. Whatever it is about for you, MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Get married. Have kids. Go horseback riding. Climb the Great Wall. Get divorced. Swim with dolphins. Take your kids to breakfast. Fly to the moon. Write your poem to the world.

LIVE. LIVE I SAY!

Yes, there will be pain. Yes, people you love will come and go out of your life. Yes, you may fail 30 times before you succeed. But, alas… to try is better than to die.

And let's face it. We all die.

So stop watching the Airbrushed-ThinnnerThanYou-BotoxLips-DroppedOutOfHighschool-RunOfTheMill-CousinToSomeBigShotProducer who just got the role you wanted, and give it another go round.

P.S. Your Life just called, bring home some flowers.

Hm. And don't forget to send me a postcard.

Surprise, Surprise. Our humble narrator returns from the abyss. It's been a while, but that's because she's resting (or was it restless?)

The holidays abound, and let's not lose focus. Whether your nucleus is a fat man plummeting down your chimney, or a devout man hanging on your cross, now's the time to make change (CARBON COPY: Male Dominated Society, BLIND CARBON COPY: Veil Dominated Society)

Not in my world… AlphaFemale prevails.


And by change I mean be a mover/shaker.

She left, you know. To escape the hustle and bustle that is New York (fetus of self-expression), she made her escape route.

What did she find, you ask?

Transform me. Adorn me. Scorn me.
But don't take away my canvas.

So, Muse just bought a new star, and Alpha The Great is drinking at the fountain… give them some time, they're daring.

And who are you today?

Day of days
Time’s repent
I sauntered about
The hour was unbent
Traveled afar
The world took me back
Tried to unwind
But the life-trains off track.
Moved over a mountain
Or a rainbow moved me
Could have swallowed life whole
But I’d choke on the sea
Held my dreams
‘Cause Muse couldn’t get out
Gave my money to the gods
So they’d figure it out
Left my home for a vision
Followed existence down the cracks
Now my souls leading
And there’s no turning back.
Thought the sun was shining
But paint covered the walls
Thinking about seasons
Walking around Fall
Been told what I’m saying
Tried given in to words
But the only thing it bought me
Was Idiosyncrasies, Absurd.

But alas… she finds another escape route (find her)

Today, in Century City, CA (where I work) there was a power outage (um, NY Blackout… the comeback?), therefore my building did not have power until 11am. What does that mean? It means you have a bunch of worker bees buzzing about, complaining about the long line downstairs for coffee, because that was the only coffee machine that appeared to be working. What else does that mean? It means Alpha The Great got a chance to ponder, and ponder she did. I began to handwrite a list (no, not my Christmas wish list) of questions that pertain to existence.

Now, it’s not like I am the first mover or shaker with the questions on this list, scholars, philosophers and the like have debated the questions I present for quite some time. I was merely creating the list so that the next time I enter into a relationship (a friendship, an acquaintance, or even a deliciously lovely committed love affair), that I should know the other person’s standpoint on these particular questions. The lights came back on before I could even begin to finish the list, and I will definitely brainstorm some more questions as the week’s progress, but here’s my starting point. So, if you consider yourself my best friend, acquaintance, or whatever… next time you see me, let’s discuss. Or even better, tell me the questions that are on your mind, because isn’t that what life is about: People and their actions, in pursuit of happiness, within this unpredictable things we call existence…(I don’t know, is that what life is about? You tell me)...

What is life? Is it individual or holistic? Is there one definition, or can you make of it whatever you want it to be?

Why are “we” here? Why are “you” here? Is that the same question?

What is religion? What is belief? Can you have faith without religion or belief?

Who are you without your “god”?

What religious argument is most convincing (Christianity, Judaism, Muslim, etc.)?

What would people say about you in your eulogy today?

What do you wish they would say about you in your eulogy if you live 50 more years?

What is family? Is family necessary?

What is success? Is there such a thing? Once you obtain it, don’t you set more goals, so therefore can success ever be obtained?

Animals: Food, Friend, or Both?

What is love? Is there such a thing as unconditional love? Can you love more than one person (as in relationship love)?

Are we our jobs? Are we the money we make?

Is democracy the best form of government? Should it be embraced by all countries, or is it better to have diversity in various countries?

Are looks everything?

Thousands of product choices: good thing or bad thing?

Should morality/ethics be taught in grade school? Whose ethical code or morals should be taught?

So that’s about as far as I got before the building god’s said, “let there be light”. This is just surface level stuff before I bring out the heavy artillery. We didn't even begin to delve into this thing we call Alpha's Mind. Stay tuned...

Someone stole Muse’s pillow

She dreamt.

But she didn’t have to dream, because her escape was lying next to her.

She slept.

And Restless bought a new pair of slippers.

She thought.

A little bit of like is lovelier than a lot of love, unrequited.

She fell.

But perhaps she doesn’t want to get picked up, this time.

He’ll meditate on that one, you know, and sometimes a ditty is worth a thousand ponders.

She can’t get enough of…

He’s watching.

She never could keep a secret (fallible)

She’s twisted.

Or…maybe…he…just…makes…her…smile.

louche \LOOSH\, adjective: Of questionable taste or morality; disreputable or indecent; dubious; shady.

The epitome of epiphany strikes again
(just hold me)
The embodiment of effectuation.
(just scold me)
She’s thriving.
(just mold me)
Catharsis vs. Narcissus the battle begins
(just…me)

Far be it from me to copy the likes of Britney Spears, but alas, I am digging in the archives for my “Best Of Alpha The Great” montage. Today, I’ll bring back an oldie but goodie from the Archives De’ Alpha The Great. This ditty is among my favorites… but don’t go thinking Muse is out to lunch or anything, she’s right here. It’s just that, this morning has been a lot more than pleasant, a bit less than extraordinary, and just about lovely.

Why you ask?

Hm, it seems the stars are in alignment today, and the gods have blessed me with bliss. No particular reason. Maybe it was Mr. Sun licking my eyelids, or perhaps the fact that traffic seems much more pleasurable when Janis Joplin is whispering in your ear. Or maybe, this is how it should be… bliss, for no apparent reason.

So, I’m taking you Back, because Front just got another gig. Even more apropos is the fact that this was birthed last November (who said life wasn’t cyclical?):

And then they danced...
Because sometimes their mood was blue in hue
And sometimes the gray was used in lieu
And always they seemed to have a muse
Even when it rained.

They felt like crimson
Or maybe brown
As their feet floated
Across the ground.

Lovely.

But they didn't know how
And they didn't know why
But they decided to dance
Instead of to cry.

posted by Alpha The Great : 11:02 PM Saturday, November 08, 2003

Inner monologue of a cornflake:


2.3: “You’re fortunate, you know. I mean, you were born ‘you’ and not someone else. See that guy over there begging for your food scraps? That could have been you.”

Half Past Nine: “So maybe I had a bad day.”

2.3: “See that girl on the screen screaming while bombs go off in her back yard? That could have been you.”

Half Past Nine: “And maybe the week hasn’t been going so well.”

2.3: It’s just that, we take it, ya know. Life, that is. And we complain about what we don’t have, and what we do have, and what we should have. But it only gets better when you realize who we are.”

Half Past Nine: “But what’s the point…”

2.3: “Question mark.”


…because sometimes life doesn’t make cents.

Careless, like the whisper
I dropped you.

Shedding tears
Holding back the years
Your missing.

Drain, you claimed
I’m to blame

I miss you.

P.S. my bracelet fell in the toilet

For my next number, I will be chanting a guttural solo from the bowels of my mindscape...

LA LA Land:
Hm. Here in the world of stars, everyone is dumb. And by dumb I mean “not smart”. (SEE ALSO: Ignorant; CARBON COPY: Unapprised) It appears the majority of people should own stock in chapstick, because all they do is kiss asses all day. Here, just might be, the Ass-Kissing Capital of the world (get your license plates today!). Leave it to me to generalize a whole population (can we say, BIASED?), but methinks I might have hit the nail on the head (insert old-school adage here).

New York (abdomen of coolness), I don’t miss your weather, or your snobbery. But I do miss the “realness” of your personality. You are genuine (most times). You feed me mentally, you keep me grounded, and you excite my being.

California (Fingertip of Feign, Pancreas of Unreality), it’s hard to have a bad day when the sun is shining on your should blades. I can get past your nepotism and your egotism, as long as you continue to entertain me. And by entertain, I mean: show me another story. Muse really likes it out here, the boys, the nightlife, the… always something to watch-ed-ness of it all. Alpha The Great is indifferent. It’s not home, maybe that’s why it tastes so sweet. But where is home? Hm… I’ll let you know when I get there.

So where’s this all going. I don’t know, Muse is taking a lunch break, and Alpha The Great is on vacation. Stick around for the punch line (because the soda fountain just got crowded).

Dearest Alpha The Great,

This is the last time I let you run me ragged. You boss me around, pushing me to my utmost limits. You use and abuse me. You do not let me replenish when I need it. You make me run on empty. You gave me less than 2 hours of rest last night. You ate chocolate candy all day, instead of nourishing me with substance. You filled me up with caffeine and stimulants. You don’t let me exercise. FUCK YOU, ALPHA THE GREAT.

Love,
Your Body

That kiss.

The moment you put it on paper, it’s gone.
The second you describe it to your friends, it dies.
The minute you sing it in your car, it expires.

That touch.

Try to remember its path.
Try to retain its emotion.
Try to preserve its energy.

That look.

He’s peering right through you.
He’s viewing your every move.
He’s seeing everything that you do.
Intimate portraits of you, displayed in the lens of his mind, or at least that is what you hope.

And maybe, this time, it is about you, instead of me…

Yeah, that’s right (she said), like strawberry pumpkin pie…

My reflection in the mirror scared me. Who is that haggard looking individual staring back so gauntly? Sleep Deprivation is a female dog named, Bitch. Sunken eyes, like treasure chests. Slumber (it haunts me)

Eyes of glaze
Mind of haze
Soul of craze

Exhausted. Likethatoldmufflerthatusedtoshootsparks.

So maybe she’s not cut out for this party lifestyle anymore (she’s dancing)
But the nightlife beckons…

Don’t get me wrong, I love porn as much as the next gal (ahem)… but, watching porn with co-workers? Perhaps that was a little awkward.

So I am temping at 20th Century Fox (an amazing company, I might add), and they have screenings every Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of movies currently in theatres and classics from the Fox vault.
Motorcycle Diaries , Wimbledon , Sideways
all amongst the movies I have had the pleasure of viewing for free. But last night, I must say, I was rather shocked. They were showing the movie A Dirty Shame and let’s face it, I’m pretty darn liberal, but this movie made me want to take a shower to cleanse my soul of the filth I viewed.

-Naked ugly fat people, doing the nasty on the street
-The prolonged use of the word sexin’
-Crooked yellow teeth (um, yeah, that is what disturbed me most)
-A man getting off from defecating
-Really bad acting
-Semen spewing onto the camera lens
-Big hairy gay men rubbing up on each other
-A man jacking off while eating a used tissue

SEE ALSO: Syphilis
CARBON COPY: Gonorrhea
BLIND CARBON COPY: HIV

Perhaps in the confines of my own home, such a movie would not have warranted a second thought (as I most likely would have turned it off after the painfully ruinous opening which contained the worst acting I’ve seen since the Bush/Kerry debate). But I was trapped. Fox employees surrounded me as I sat by myself watching the utter debauchery unfold.

I laughed.

More so because I couldn’t help but think how desperate the actors/actresses must have been to agree to such an obtuse tale.

… and suddenly, she felt like Shakespeare’s crumpled up condom wrapper.

The glamorous people of never… where
And no wear
You know the place
What’s in your soul means less than what’s on your sole
The “always” people
always…
complaining
feigning
regaining
what was lost in the script

The Counselors Of Fake
And everyone’s a hero
And everyone’s a zero

I think I met you yesterday and yesterday and yesterday again for the first time
And even the pigeons need to sign a contract to eat in this town
Here doesn’t exist beyond,
Your… let’s talk about the weather.

So high, elated, at the thought of who
Goodbye, created a different mindset (askew)
Muse: Meet your soul mate, Gadabout…he’s bored
Maybe, you should take him to a football game.

Life: Rip my aortic valve out and tear me a new love hole.
Perhaps, you could feed my feelings to the lions.

Love: Throw my autonomy in the shredder.
Perchance, you would buy me another heart.

New York: Untie my shoelaces.
Conceivably, you stood for my indifference.

So now what?

wandering woman
the streets create you
you’re walking
who’s talking
about you… don’t see
they stare
matted hair
lethargic is your gait
all the time to wait
your scaring.

turned away
they say
wandering woman
you’re different

the streets don’t sigh
the streets don’t cry
i watch my bag, in your eyes

less home than home… less
trust is your antithesis
you’re suited (if soot were armor)

i’m staring

Glamorous for a moment
she thought
and the red carpet wore a veneer of disguises
it wept
the color of heart
devastated.

suffocating
3-D like pictures
vanity’s elixir…pink nail polish
and haze
strawberry malaise
all in a daze work.

And the red carpet lies
And the red carpet tries
And the red carpet buys

(it’s sullied)
Sunshine and Smog were arrested
Democracy put up bail

but the carpet was her sanctuary
(she’s tiring)

scarlet bolster of her soul, it haunts her.

Too much coffee, I feel restless.

Black tar elixir of my being
It consumes me
My energy source, fooled me once again

SEE ALSO: The Antichrist of Stimulant
CARBON COPY: The Archenemy of Depressant

and Muse is being tricked (it’s a guise)
dis
cover

seven cups of acid rain in my system… and still I close my eyes.

Bittersweet,

like candy coated memories
Fond of the cent of money.
Maybe we shouldn’t be here… driven
by
what makes
and takes
and forsakes
my eternity.

Today, I’m feeling rather: Muse, bring me another aspirin.
Too much bass in my song
all along
Where’s that old record I used to play?

Mr. King (B.B. that is) play me another riff.

I remember that painting, of the couple dancing…their hew was blue
But the lens was dirty.

Another
Laugh
Portends
Her
Allegory

But don’t think this is about you, it’s not.

In her final bravura, the curtain closed before she could bow.
She’s back
(and sometimes you don’t need an ending)

Election: the erection of a modern day rEaLiTy bites
Sound fights
Ballot’s Right, to a fair selection.

Billions spent
Need to repent
Your future went… when they elected a plant for president.

Bush-wacked
Kerry-slacked
Another democracy shifted, without the Fed (that is).

Sitbackandrelaxwithyoursoylatteandcornmuffin…
Lax… we were
a…sleep I concur
additive of lies
…cause your country just went down the shitter.

So, there’s this boy, right… and you know there is danger whenever Alpha The Great starts out like that, but our humble narrator can’t seem to keep Muse quiet.

Suddenly, falling in life with like is better than tripping on love with living.

And by love: I mean two squares shooting rubber bands at the moon’s freckles.

So, she digs him, right. And she usually loves to like, but liking never felt so…

Mesh like bag
Jet like lag
Cough like gag

Diminishing.

Muse, pour me a cup of tea with honey, it’s going to be a long night.

Some
Times
Eccentricity
Vindicates
Everything

And she’s the Queen of the Antonym of Normality’s Overbite…again

Alpha The Great’s three week anniversary. Hm… ‘Twas only 21 days ago that I made the transition from New York (abdomen of coolness) to California (object of my desire).

A Celebration.

So I’m at the crux of this novel called, “Alpha’s Existence” and it feels like cherry blossoms dancing on my eyelashes. New job, new life, new…it’s that old New & Improved variety of advertising that has befallen my subsistence.

Perhaps it’s that Sylvia Plath book I’m reading, or maybe that movie about the guy called Mediocrity, but for some reason my coffee this morning tastes sweeter than it ever did in New York (thorn in my side).

I’m alone out here, ya know.

And by alone, I mean surrounded by hype.
And by alone, I mean bounded by types.
And by alone, I mean encircled by…

It seems that Muse is brewing a pot of Mull Over stew. She’s hungry. We’re similar, you know. Muse & I, that is.

So let’s see where this leads, better yet, let’s see where I take it.

Life’s pension plan just funded Seclusion’s wedding.

Billowing silhouettes of unadulterated “being” captivate me once again. Like a straw hat made out of memories. It’s too much.

So, I moved to California...love it here.
FACT: Met tons of celebs already
FACT: Invited to the hottest parties already.
FACT: Met myriad cuties already.

P.S. It's only been 4 days since my arrival, LA will never be the same.

No time to update on all that is Alpha.

To the guy sitting in the next cubicle at work,

Please stop printing out the words of wisdom, quotes, words of encouragement, etc. and giving them to me. My desk is getting cluttered, and I refuse to hang up those retarded sayings and stories. The little poems and ditties you thrust upon me usually suck, are repetitive, and are things that everyone should have instilled in their being without reading them.

That binder you keep that includes inspirational stories and whatnot is fine if you want to reference it every once in while… but everyday? Don’t you think that is a bit excessive? I mean, if you have to remind yourself everyday that “YOU ARE SPECIAL” or “YOU ARE NOT THE MONEY YOU MAKE” or “THINK POSITIVE TODAY,” then maybe you should just throw in the towel, and give into pessimistic viewpoints.

I wouldn’t even say anything, as I am not one to judge, but the fact that you print out a copy for me nearly everyday and put it on my desk, and say, “Look how enlightening this one is,” leads me to my final plea. YOU ARE WASTING PAPER. I come in to work everyday with a smile on my face, and I don’t have to look into any binder to put it there, or at some ranting about having ‘good habits’.

I feel sad for you, fellow worker-bee.


P.S. And for the UMPTEENTH time, I do not want to purchase Pre-Paid Legal Services, NOR do I want to attend a seminar on how to manage my money.

Sincerely,

GirlWithTheTanSkinSmiling

Stacie

Um, is it just me, or is there a striking resemblance between me and the chick who just got fire on The Apprentice, Stacie J?

http://www.jillann.com Give Jill some love, she was one of the nicest celebs (or semi-celebs) I've met in a while

I'm not sure you all know about my unhealthy obsession with Woody... Soon-Yi look out.

New York,
My part time lover in this one night-standing… room only

Abdomen of coolness
Thorn in my side
I’ll miss you.

New York,
Girl with the tan skin, smiling.
Several times over… cast

New York… invisible girl returns
She’s gawking
She’s walking
Non Penetrate able
She misses.

Ode to the one I love
And loathe
I’m listless.
You left me here alone.

Do me a favor; blow out my candles, New York.

Lights out
Towers down
Transit strikes
Protest rights
I was there to hold your hand, New York.

I must bid adieu…

Curtain subsides, my final number.

Monoglyceride of my soul
Nadir of my being
Tempestuous storm cloud of my laugh

The city of ardor, the city that abhors… I’m your homeless veteran.
Reconcile me.

Just like my old keyboard… ENTER = RETURN

Maybe next year.
Farewell, or shall I say. Fair…well?
New York, spit on my face, so that I won’t miss you so.

Here's a post from an old friend... read her blog, I dig it:
http://brynasoutlet.blogspot.com/

Saturday, June 26, 2004
I recently switched jobs, so it's been a while since I wrote last. (plus I didn't have anything to complain about!)PROTESTERS!Please wake up and smell the coffee... Protests are definitely the lamest way to get your point across. Protesters have some novel ways to do these things... none of which are effective.

One- The Anytown USA, stand on street corners and hold banners. Wow. This is the best you can come up with? The only people that are going to see it are the everyday people who have seen you protest every week. Wait, let me rephrase that. Every-good-weather-week protest. Wait, let me rephrase that. Every-good-weather-only-on-the-weekends protest.

Two- The New York City protests. Hundreds of people banning together to protest every political whatever that is going on. This is great! One of my favorites. Ban together to make New Yorkers angrier because now they have designated streets they can't drive on because of your precious protest! More traffic created because of a protest. Point well taken!

Three- The Washington, D.C. Protest. Hundreds of Thousands of people banning together to get your point across. This may be the only one that makes it onto the news so, one small step for man... one large leap for the banner that has an x through George Bush's face with a whitty line above it...

All in all, what I am saying here is "What good does it do?" The head of the military never said, "Turn around the troops guys. There's hundreds of people causing traffic in NYC by laying on the street!" or "You're right... let's solve this anti/for abortion situation right now. The one millionth protest just happened in Anytown, USA!" So, don't waste your time. Come up with something that has credibility, write to the senator, come up with an actual solution or at least some ideas, or just stay home.

10:31 pm, I turn on the nightly news, channel 5. Topic: The aftermath of Florida’s hurricane. To my utter disgust, the discussion at hand is not about the individuals who lost their lives. It’s not about how many people lost their homes, their memories, their livelihood. It’s not about how we can volunteer our time or money to help victims. What are they discussing, you ask? (pan camera left to newscaster)

Newscaster: “Is it true that J-Lo lost her boat.”

HER FUCKING BOAT. Welcome to THEUNITEDSTATESOFFUCKINGAMERICA

Will somebody please wake me up from this nightmare… folks, I think we’ve reached an all-time low point in history. Excuse me while I vomit on my television set.

Two things you NEVER want to hear when you are sunbathing at the community pool, “Hey, I bet I can guess your weight,” and “I bet you weigh a lot more than you look.”

Yeah, so this goes down in the Why Do I Attract Such Strange People archives. I’m sunning at the pool, reading the book of the day (She’s Come Undone by Wally Lamb) and this jolly looking red-haired old man taps me on the shoulder. I look up from my reading bliss and the man standing before me apologizes for bothering me, and says he noticed me getting out of the pool, and wanted to guess my weight. He explained that he used to guess peoples ages and weights for a living at an amusement park, and I am the type of person he can never really guess correctly.

Hm. I looked deep into his eyes, searching for a hint of psychopath or a tad of pervert. His eyes read “genuine.” I am sure he just wanted someone to talk to anyway, an analgesic to soothe the bighting pain that life sometimes emits. I bet people never give him the time of day, unsightly looking man that he was. Pudgy eye sockets and patches of sparse fiery red hair (SEE ALSO: the antitheses of clown; CARBON COPY: WifeLeftHimUnemployedJustTryingToSurvive).

So, he asked me if I minded if he guesses my weight. Being a person who finds herself mixed up in the weirdest situations imaginable, of course I go along with this man’s pleas

After an awkward moment of him gawking at my bikini-clad body, he guesses 157. He missed the mark. In the industry, we would call this “failure” with a touch of “defeat”. I let him down gently, with the news. He laughed. I smiled. “See, what did I tell you, I always have a hard time with your type.” Isn’t that the truth (I think to myself)… and I continued reading.

The war begins. Do you still want to go to the movies? How was that show you went to the other day? What’s that? You say that day salon gives the best massage
…keep me informed.

Women, men and children pillaged, suffering, raped of existence. Did Puffy Combs buy that new car? Did Ashton really wear that to the VMA’s? There are ten celebrities stuck on an island
… let me know what happens.

Chaos, death tolls, and innocent lives lost. Have you tried the Moo-shoo pork roll and the Caesar salad side? How much will that be? I need to go walk my dog
…fax me the information.

Three countries have just been bombed off the map. Does this bracelet come with a warranty? Are you still dating that guy? There is a fly in my coffee
… let me know how it turns out.

Our world will never exist as it has before. Are you going to eat that? Did you get a babysitter for Saturday night? That obese man who sued McDonalds just won his case
… send it to my email account.

Democracy eats its prey, dictatorship reigns supreme, United States strikes again. Did you want some fries with that? Did Whitney Houston really break up with Bobby? That cute little place on the east side is still open, let’s go
... call my cell phone.

Maybe that’s why they don’t like us. War. Wake up.

She made love with her words
Strange as they were
Copse of estrangement in her hair
Bellowing synonyms from her eyes
Gasping
Gaping
Scraping
The bottom of her soul, it leaked havoc
She’s never
And always
And sometimes
Thinking… don’t worry, it’s not a problem.

She reflects more in one second, than a lifetime dreams in an instant… coffee
Her muse beckons
Her heart reckons
Anything goes

Contrite doesn’t live in this house anymore,
She’s all aglow.

She reaps of elation
Her fingertips sew creation
Apathy's Envy was the name of her laugh.

Agate as a crimson diamond, and it’s all around her.
Life, that is.

She partakes…tag your it.

so... what's Alpha The Great thinking these days?

New York, thorn in my side
New York, the bane of my existence.

And I thought, this is not me.

He spoke.
I joked.
New York poked fun at us all.
Cosmic grind, better than dancing.

And tonight, I used a lifeline.
Never.
New York, you owe me.
New York, your men are…
Help. I gotta get outta this place.


The game of me
The life of me
The point of me
And the Me Show was taking place again.

Maybe I don’t want to talk about past
Or present
Or future… maybe you should just talk.

Tell ME
Guide ME
Snide ME

But you didn’t
And I droned on and on and on and on and on
Then the night was over.

Let’s pretend I tip-toed through your garden, that’s what I did, I trampled on your green beans
I ate up all your carrots
I picked up stalks of celery.

No. The moments over.

But the tomatoes in your garden tasted sweet like… well you get the picture.

Or maybe your garden’s not ripe for plucking, yet.

I’ll run. I’ll gallivant. I’ll tango, on heads of lettuce the size of Post-it Notes
Sticky, like failure.

You see my point, don’t you? It’s at the end of this sentence.
Period.

... and tonight, the city was my analgesic, coat me in your splendor
I’m taken
Your streets never tasted so sweet…

She stumbled in, still half drunk from her late night rendezvous with Mr. Soandso… he calls again. You know, for a second there she wondered how she could ever leave this place. She wondered if any place on earth existed outside of New York (like that polka dot dress she saw in the window). For a moment she pondered sitting down on the beach, but the vacation in her mind was a bit more pleasant. You know she used to love to love. Now she loathes, she’s a man eater. Nothing is bliss. All is status quo. And she likes to pretend your interesting for just a moment as she sits beside you in the café, listening to you rattle on about this stock, or that fund. SHE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT. She’s unchanging (like that old record she used to play).

So, for a second, you enthralled her, she led you to believe. For a minute, you captivated her smile. For an hour you bewildered her with your never-ending wit. Banter she throws, but remorse she shows. She despises you. And your fancy car, and your huge apartment overlooking that oh so cute coffee shop down the street with the big yellow door. You know she’s not into you, or your money, or your…she’s planning.

Captivate.

She’s a stranger (like you saw her in a dreamscape).

She hides…

Where to begin?  Well life has certainly been exciting these past couple of weeks.  I just returned from Los Angeles.

FACT: I have officially moved up to “groupie” status… what happens in LA, stays in LA… Tim McGraw concert, backstage, foot-rubs…um, that band has been Alphatized!!!

FACT:  LA and I have formed a scandalous love affair, it’s deliciously sinful

FACT:  Um, when I was in In & Out Burger, a woman thought I was some sort of celebrity and proceeded to take my picture, which caused onlookers to think I was “somebody” too… hm… WHERE’S MY BODYGUARD WHEN I NEED HIM!

LIE: The boys in LA are really manly

So let’s chat, it’s been a while.  Work is grand, Love takes a stand, Life falls like sand… grains.  Today is my birthday (well, one of them at least… to make a long story short: my parents don’t know when I was born, could be July 27th, could be July 29th) that’s the way they do things on Mars.  All is uncertainty.  My LA vacation was filled with Entertainment Executives, beachfront views, and my soul mate (who happens to be a 70 year old gay man). 

There are numerous adventures to speak of during my CA trip, the highlights:
Girl meets lots of “weird” guys
Girl decides to pick up her life and move to LA in September
Girl randomly meets someone she knows from New York whilst jogging in Venice Beach at 9am
Girl visit USC campus and decides UCLA is the way to go
Girl with the REALLY tan skin, smiling

Did I mention, I am moving to West Hollywood?
Did I mention, I will most likely do a cross-country drive (who’s coming with me?)
Did I mention, that life is grander than love will ever be?

So I’m on this new journey, and the recipe calls for ½ cup of Alpha-Flower, with a touch of anti-nepotism, a smidgen of pro-narcissus, stir in a pool of me… let it ferment. 

 

More to come when I have time to breath.  Westchesterites… check me out tonight at Cold Stone Creamery in Scarsdale where I will be telling people about the Make-A-Wish Foundation (did I mention FREE ICE CREAM!)

AND NOW THIS...

As if my lack of support for SatanIncarnate (aka George Bush I & II) could grow any stronger, here's some think-tank information sure to make you cringe:

Mental Health Commission


Bush to Screen Population for Mental Illness


APA Members Address President Bush's Mental Health Commission

Bush to call for parity in mental health coverage


Um, 'scuse me, Mr. B... why don't you be the first to try out some of these newly un-tested mind-altering substances?

dRaW yOuR oWn CoNcLuSiOnS

P.S. Can I have a serving of "corrupt" and "greed" with that article?

Haiku of the day:
 
Muse, I swallow thee
In gulps of coffee...heaven
Work never taste so sweet.

Hey there party-people it has been a while. I’m quite busy at the moment, but here’s an update:

I’m Reading:
From the Teeth of Angels – Jonathan Carroll

I’m Listening To:
Queen Greatest Hits I II & III

I’m Doing:
Helping a friend start a business
Helping a friend get ready for grad school
Getting myself ready for grad school
Going to California on July 21st on vacation
Looking for a new apartment/slash new location to exist

I’m Thinking:
Life is TOO good right now, you ever feel like that? Like you are the luckiest person in the world because you’ve been blessed so much?

I’m Eating:
Less than 1200 calories a day (SEE ALSO: Alpha Loses 10 lbs!!!)

What Rocked:
Fahrenheit 9-11
Dodgeball

What Didn’t Rock:
Going to the Emergency Room on Saturday due to complications from a root canal

P.S. Did I mention my birthdays are on July 27th and July 29th?


Alpha The Great = 1/4 of a century years old soon. Sheesh.

So, I am reading Trump’s new book, “How to Get Rich,”… and I’m not impressed. I’m thinking, here’s a guy that is worth billions of dollars, and the book is written on the reading level of an elementary school student. I have two words for you Donald… SPELL CHECK.

Page 217, 2 errors, page 220, 1 error… that is 3 errors too many in Alpha Land. Don’t get me wrong, I am prone to spelling and grammatical errors myself, but then again, I’m not worth billions of dollars (um, well unless of course you weigh in my charming wit and sparkling personality).

The Audience should know that there is great joy in finding spelling and grammatical errors in the books one reads. Trump’s book was a breeze-read requiring all of 2 hours of my time… don’t get me wrong, I respect The Donald for building his real estate empire, but his book was the worst form of public masturbation I have ever seen.

I am The Donald (stroke yourself)
I am worth billions (stroke yourself)
My buildings are superior to any other structure ever built (stroke yourself)

I get it, Trumpster, your message was received loud and clear.

On another note, the other day I am at the American Cancer Society Diamond Gala, volunteering of course, and Joe Namath (apparently some football guru) comes into the volunteer food room, and I am all like “Hi, I’m Alpha, are you a volunteer too?” And Mr. Namath (whom I would like to refer to as Mr. Asshole), was like “NO,” along with an accompanying attitude and facial expression. So I’m all like, um, ok... (yeah, like I would recognize some jock whom I have never seen or heard of, I should’ve been like “Don’t you know who I am!!?”)

So, life has been a lot more than busy, and just about phenomenal. Muse (aka Alpha The Great) has been busy… but she wants you to know that she is taking a little trip to California in July… Los Angeles to be precise, so if you know anyone out that way, let me know… I’m always up for meeting new people.

Just Finished: Donald Trump “How To Get Rich”; Bernard Werber “Empire of the Ants”; Robin Cook “Mutation”
Currently Absorbing: Kaplan GRE Test Prep; Chuck Palahniuk “Stranger Than Fiction”; Robin Cook “Terminal”
Next on the list: Baigent, Leigh & Lincoln “Holy Blood Holy Grail”

I have a busy weekend ahead of me… life of a celebrity. How about you?

are you speaking about you?
again
leaving...i'm

trailing off again as usual
SPEECHLESS

D.C.
freedumb

what's your story? what's your dream?

like two stereo speakers on the brink of shallow
i'm ready.

Read me...

coffee.
seed of my existence
envelope me once again
your bounty is endless, take me
... our skin tones match

Time for a blast from the past. SEE ALSO: Alpha The Great Archives

New York…
The abdomen of coolness
The fetus of self-expression
The fingernail of exposure

I am not sure you get my sense of humor
I am not sure you get my sense of style

This is your life
And it’s in that café
And it’s on its way
And it’s words that you say…leading
Greeting
Succeeding
Its end.

You pass by a star
It winks
You blink
It thinks
This is who you are.

And they tell you you’ll be something some day
Some
Day
Well, I’m something today.
TOO day.
And it’s in that book
And it’s all they took
And it’s in every nook
Life.

So you glance at it,
When you should be stowing it away
SORRY, NO MORE ROOM ON THIS CARGO SHIP
So it wastes
And it tastes
And it bastes
Life. So you let it go, and it shows…
catch.
Or else it depletes
You reap
It seeps
Life… it is.
Life… this is.
yours.

Ever conscious of the world beyond
Whistle she does
That old familiar song

Girl with the tan skin, smiling.

Tiptoeing through the cries of rose petals
Tethered feathers? Her eyes see more than twists.

An eyelash she bats, another one is out of the park,
Fly call
She’s dancing.

Girl with the tan skin, smiling.

One day someone will write about her
She’ll follow his dreams,
eScape her web address might read
wrong
view her, she’s on to Something
but Something is still looking for an agent.

Unscathed, she breathes another ocean…


but today she’s just the Girl with the tan skin, smiling.

I took a walk
Or maybe a walk took me
The night zephyr rang
I followed
I wallowed


What is life?

That existence over there, yes, that one
I pinched a tree
To see if it was dreaming
It laughed.
A hundred rings, and still no one picks up

So I constantly contemplate
My lifeboat’s energy
Ships sail’s on sale, markdown

Dug out from the form, in my shape

Seedless. Endless. Bountiful.

In love with words, and pregnant with truth
Another trial run

Does this demo ever begin?

…and that’s what we call it.

Life left a message, too busy to take it? (dial tone)

This makes me chuckle...
Spider...Man?


On a lighter note... what do you think about body detoxification systems (i.e. herbal supplements that clean out your system). Any info you can provide me with, good sources (websites, books, etc.) when considering it?

So it’s been busy
So it’s been majestic
So it’s been…
This life, it is.

My mind is like “ecstatic”
My head is like “erratic”
My world is like “galactic”
My curls are like… static, electric as my being.

And Jealousy just bought a new green skirt.

What’s on your agenda? Hello Earth… I’m taking over.
Sincerely,
Ms.KnewSheCould

and it’s just me
and it’s just she…so unusual

life is grand
flirtations is banned
rear-view mirror is tan,
reflection.

howled at the moon
faxed a copy too soon?
business is boom, base like turned up treble

she’s off again, you know how she gets
you keep wishing she’ll be tied down
she’ll want you
she’ll need you
she laughs
(i know)
you can’t hold her,
but memory will try

she’ll never commit.
she’s thick
(i know)
or maybe she doesn’t care
where
you bare, your
sole, like proprietor
she owns your…

in her rearview mirror, she stares at her…self.

you’ll never be my world
(i...no)

You know you are a dork when:

1.You keep your ‘fast checkout’ library card on your keychain, and all library personnel are on a first name basis with you.

2.Your idea of fun on a Friday night is constructing a business plan.

3.You prefer documentaries about the perils of society instead of the latest blockbuster.

4.The first station programmed into your car does not play music, but rather contains a schedule of informational discussions and debates.

5.You have your own apartment, and you are the only one who lives their, and you have a wireless network setup complete with computer and laptop so you can travel to any room and still have internet access.

6.You would rather overhaul someone’s résumé than go to the movies.

7.You set your alarm on Saturday to wake up surprisingly early, even though you do not have to be anywhere until 3pm.

8.You can’t get to sleep, it’s 2am, and suddenly you feel the need to research the rising extinction level of several species in the Amazon.

9.The thought of writing a compelling letter or grant excites you.

10.You have whole conversations with yourself when you are in your car.

…welcome to my world.

Time…

Like a 15 year old whore who’s reprimanded
Or a firefly with no mate

Keeps going out

Perhaps, it was just a gnat in my baked beans

Deuteronomy 25:5 – 12
5If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. 6The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.
7However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, “My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me”. 8Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying , “I do not want to marry her,” 9his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” 10That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.


11If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

Um, yeah… so I bet that was at the top of the list for the Creator of this world… that a woman’s hand should be cut off if she seizes an assailant’s twig and berries.

NOTE TO SELF: I got a new commenting tool... so fill up those comments ya'll

The Rundown:
Let’s talk about The Apprentice… great episode! Omorosa, you’re a bitch, and you’re fired. Excellent decision Trump. I am sure you’ve noticed that Trump has his favorites, and in the end it will be a male that wins (Alpha The Soothsayer Doth Protest). I can’t say that Omorosa is to blame for the horrible defeat in the task that was assigned. She was the ONLY one who actually sold a piece of that “interesting artwork”. I really think that if Omorosa would not have had such a dramatic breakdown in the boardroom, things might have been different. Methinks she new she was getting canned when the emphasis shifted to her taking an extra 10 minutes for lunch. Kwame, all in all, you seem quite a fit candidate for The Apprentice…tune in next week.

Just for the record:
The deadline for The Apprentice has been extended. Yeah, so that is my queue. No excuses, I have enough time to borrow a friends VCR to make my debut. Good stuff. Um, we all know that the reason Trump decided to extend the deadline is because he knew I didn’t get a chance to send in my tape. Don’t worry Trumpster, I’m on top of it.

In Other News:
I had another job interview today in the city. At first the thought of commuting from Westchester to Manhattan to work was ghastly. Change of opinion. I rather enjoy sitting on the train, reading my book, and enjoying the views of the Hudson river. Methinks change is good, and I welcome it wholeheartedly.

And Now This:
So I’m reading this excellent book called, The Gnostic Gospels, by Elaine Pagels. Thanks to our own Ms. Daisy who purchased it and another book so we can further our debate on religion, Christianity, and Jesus. I’ll give you the highlights of our discussion another time (yes, try to contain yourself; the excitement must be hard to control!). I’m also reading another excellent book called, Deep Fathom by James Rollins. Hm, so many books, so little time…

How about you? How is life treating you?

The Letter I Sent To Verizon:

I am about 1 month away from canceling my Verizon wireless service and signing up with a competitor (yes, I am willing to break my current contract and pay the ridiculous fee for doing so, just because your service and products are less than adequate). I just wanted Verizon to know why: I have been a loyal customer for over 5 years. I have never had a late payment (even when your company messed up my account several different times, and I ended up paying for options I didn’t ask for, taxes that I wasn’t suppose to pay, and calls that were dropped). Your are raping consumers of time and money. I feel like I am talking to your customer service department more than I am talking to my friends and family. Verizon… you need to get with the program. Just about every one of your competitors offer more minutes, for less money, and better customer service.

I am making the switch (thanks to the ability to bring your phone number with you!). I sure do hope you see a pattern here-people are switching-because you are not doing your part to make them happy with your company, products, or services. Perhaps You Could Consider The Following Suggestions: More calling plan options; rollover minutes; anytime minutes starting earlier; better promotions; Bonus deals and services for long time customers; survey’s that ask customers what’s important to them; perhaps just a “thank you” for using Verizon (even a rebate of $5 after having a contract for 5 years would have been enough to make me feel better about your company); realize that it takes a lot more effort/money to gain a new customer than it takes to retain an old one.

I sure do hope someone in your business development/planning office is listening, because I may be the only one who speaks out, but judging from friends and family members that also use Verizon, their feelings are mutual.

Unhappily yours (for only a month or so more!),
Alpha The Great

UGH!!! So I am all set to send my The Apprentice application in… and I filled out all the paperwork, and I got plenty of footage for the required VHS, and I am all ready to go despite my last minute attempts (deadline = March 4) and I go to copy the VHS from my smaller video camera cassette, and my friggin VCR doesn’t work! AAAAAAAaaahhhhh. There is no way I will have time to go tomorrow and use someone else’s… sheesh. Looks like ya’ll will have to see me on The Apprentice next time around.
Other than that, things are grand. GRAND I SAY!

… maybe we’ll get a chance to Tango later

So… I am pretty darned drugged up on meds (SEE ALSO: Sinus infection, ear infection, and my head feeling like someone is blowing up a hot air balloon inside of it). Cut to me coming home around 5ish and sleeping until 9. Cut to me still being exhausted, and my head swimming from several unpronounceable pills (thanks doc). I was thinking:
Which would you rather have…

Every time you looked into the mirror, you saw a hideous deformed monster, but the rest of the world saw you as breathtakingly beautiful

OR

Every time you looked into the mirror, you saw a breathtakingly beautiful person, but the rest of the world saw you as a hideous deformed monster?

Methinks I would rather not have either, but if given the choice I would have to say that I would rather the world sees me as breathtakingly beautiful. Kind of shallow, but in the scenario it depends on what type of person you are on the inside. Since I know I am a good person on the inside, I think I wouldn’t mind seeing a hideously deformed person every time I looked in the mirror (although it would probably get to me after a while). I would also have to consider what I looked like before… would I be born that way, or would I get to choose at a certain age? Alpha The Great, aren’t you the one proposing this question? Shouldn’t you have all this hashed out already? Hrmph.

Put your answer in the comment section below!

So it has been a while, fare Blog, since I have updated you with the thoughts o’ my life. Well, first (deep breath, exhale). Life has been a lot more than exciting, a little less than extraordinary, and just about spectacular. Alpha The Great was laid off last week… but don’t go getting your box of tissues out, because it was a layoff I was praying and hoping for. I have never really talked about my work setting via Blog before, and that was because I was unsure of who would be reading (HEADLINE: GIRL GETS FIRED FOR EXPOSING HER WORK ENVIRONMENT FOR WHAT IT IS). Now that I am no longer a part of that bizarre company (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) I can reveal my opinions on why I think working for such a company was such a valuable experience.

FACT: (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) (SEE ALSO: Buying ones’ spouse on the Internet)
FACT: I worked for the company (which will remain anonymous) for two years.
FACT: (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--)
FACT: I worked in one of the most socially inept environments I have every witnessed (methinks I can leave this part in).

Where it all began:
So when I graduated college, I wanted to stay in Westchester County, and I was pretty open to doing anything. I wanted to work in a company and get some experience before going to Grad School--um, yeah Alpha, shouldn’t you be applying right about now? (Hrmph). So I started temping (through an agency) and the job at “Insert Name Of Company Here” came across the desk of the employment agency. Having the Business Administration and Business Education background (double B.S., Alpha The Great = overachiever) the job seemed right up my alley.
Here’s the catch: (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) . So here’s Alpha The Great (with her crazy colors and funky hair) working for a geek-filled (no offense, I am a geek as well), socially void, environment (Psssst… will someone please tell the audience that Alpha The Great is the Queen of Social) imaginable.
Rewind to a few months ago, and Alpha The Great is loathing her job. Her department (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) , her manager is (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) (cut to Alpha TheGreat having to endure stories about how he has no problem getting “it” up despite his blood pressure medication) and the biggest (--this part deleted so that I don't get sued--) I have ever met in my entire life, and Ms. Great can take no more. But there is a catch here, folks. The Great One was volunteering so much (See Also the Make-A-Wish Foundation, and Ambulance Corp.) and getting together her business plan for her own business that she was starting (details to come), that she didn’t have time to look for another job.
Fast Forward to Alpha The Wonderful hoping she would get laid off so that she could take a month or so off and still get paid (no really, whoever thought of that whole ‘severance package’ thing should be knighted).
Rewind to 1 week ago, Alpha Getting the SPECTACULAR news that she is laid off along with a few others… SWEET GLORY!!! Fast Forward to Alpha The Great getting 3 job offers in the first week, and several other interviews lined up… yeah so, to all the unemployed complaining that there are no jobs available, perhaps you should let me overhaul your resume a bit… Did I Mention… I do that on the side (don’t worry, I don’t charge friends!).

The Present:
So as it stands, my business plan is coming along nicely, but methinks I want to work in the non-profit sector for a bit before I start my own business. Or maybe Grad School first. Or maybe… yeah so as you can see, so many options, so little time in this thing called life.

Just For The Record – I most likely will be moving to Florida in a few months (I need sunshine, and I need a break from NY for a bit. I’m thinking 2 or 3 years in the Sunshine State will be grand).
Just For The Record – I’m being pretty picky about the next job I take, Alpha The Great won’t settle for anything less than phenomenal (isn’t that the way God intended?)
The Moral Of The Story - I’m worth it, and so are you… so get out of that 9-5 you dread going to, and start doing what you LOVE! I’ll help you… tell me what you need…

Curtain Close
Exit stage left, with pep in my step and shake in my bake…
P.S. I had to go back and delete stuff, since I got my severance package papers, and they say I can't say negative things about the company... tee hee

“Because he wants love, man,” she says, “and he can’t get it. Look at all the commandments. They all say, Love me or die. What a weird message! God insists that you love him. He says, If you don’t love me, I’ll punish you with boils and plagues and locusts. I will burn you in Hell. His vanity is endless. Love me, he says, love me, love me, love me. He’s supposed to be the most powerful dude in the universe, El Senor, the Father of us all, and he comes across as a huge pain in the ass.”


-Forever

It’s a story about unrequited love.
And it’s happy
And it’s sad
And it’s mad
And it’s…

She wanted to be alone. So she told him how she felt. And it wasn’t easy, but a few glasses of wine made it all the more pleasant.
She sighed.
Because you know, it’s all about her.
Because you know, it’s all around her.
Because you know it’s all… surrounds her.

She must have seen it in a movie
On the other hand, read it in a poem.
Break.

Hearts are the strongest, even when they are weak.
Like weeks gone by.

She stood her ground.
And she wished she could say she loved, but that card game has been played
And she wished he wouldn’t stay undone, but broken is easier to fix
And she kissed away that day… they tangoed in the sun.

Life, it always seems to cry
Life, it always seems to know why
Life, it never wants to die.
Prosper.

So she closed that chapter, again and again.
And chicken still bakes
And whimper still fakes
And earth still quakes…
She’s searching.

ALAS! She has found her muse.
… or maybe muse found her.

(but is that what this is all about?)

Dear Alpha,

I am very proud of all of you and very grateful to all of you for your
extraordinary hard work.

I announced today that I am no longer actively pursuing the presidency.

I am so thankful for all of you who traveled around the country, showed
up at our office, worked around the clock, because you believed in what
we were doing - to you, thousands of Americans who have given generously
of your time, in your states, because you believed in our cause.

I want to thank the 300,000 small donors that decided that they wanted
their country back.

I want to thank all the people in every state who heard our message and
supported us.

We have led this party back to considering what its heart and soul is.
Although there is a lot of work left to do, I am very proud of all of
you and very grateful to all of you for your extraordinary hard work.

As the fight moves forward, I have some things that I specifically want
to ask of you.

First, keep active in the primary. We are still on the ballots. Sending
delegates to the convention only continues to energize our party. Fight
on in the caucuses. Use your network to send progressive delegates to
the convention in Boston. We are not going away. We are staying
together, unified -- all of us.

Secondly, we will convert Dean for America into a new grassroots
organization, and I hope you stay involved. We are determined to keep
this entire organization vibrant. There are a lot of ways to make
change. We are leaving one track, but we are going on another track that
will take back America for ordinary people again.

Third, there have been a lot of people who have decided to run for
office locally as a result of this campaign. I encourage you to run for
office and support candidates like you who run for office. We will use
this enormous organization to support you as you run -- we will change
the face of democracy so that it represents ordinary Americans once
again.

We must beat George W. Bush in November. I will support the nominee of
our party and do everything I can to beat George W. Bush and I urge you
to do the same. But we will not be above letting our nominee know that
we expect them to adhere to the standards that this organization has set
for decency, honesty, integrity and standing up for ordinary American
working people.

One of the things that I realized a long time ago is that change is very
difficult. There is enormous institutional resistance to change in this
country. You cannot expect people with great privileges taken at the
expense of ordinary working people to surrender them lightly.

Change is hard work. Change does not happen simply because you go to a
rally and simply because you make phone calls -- and I know how hard
everybody has worked. But change is a process that you can never give up
on.

Change is the state of America and change is the state of humankind. The
history of humanity is that determined people overcome obstacles. It is
natural for people to resist, but it is also inevitable that we will
win.

So we will continue to fight. This is the end of phase one of this
fight, but the fight will go on, and we will be in it together. We will
continue to bring our message of hope and change to the American people.

Thank you very much for everything that you have done.

Governor Howard Dean, M.D.

I see heart…

Break

Like tides shake and moons

Fake.



And Love’s got a crush.

And Love’s life is such

And Love’s not enough



Down it goes

Crown is shows

Feelings doze.



blinded



Stay or believe.



Feelings like invoke

Tears like choke

Day after day after day…stoked.



Estranged, more like deranged

How we hurt us

Selves.

Like shelves, on a rocky cliff

Feelings like…bytes of bits.

And it hurts

And it blurts

And it alerts

senses



…just like that old familiar phrase.

Pain in his fingers, like the guitar could feel his sorrow
Whines.
Like chords strummed out of sequence
Defeat in every stroke.

strum

That kind of note playing in the background
That makes you squint one eye
Because it’s just that…

strum

And when you play your mind is at ease
And when you play the world is appeased
And when you play your thoughts do cease

TakeOver (strum)

The guitar it yells
strum
The guitar it cries
strum
The guitar it spills
strum

Your voice heard through it's sighs.

Desire burns as your fingers try
Your sleeve is pinned, so your heart’s in your mind
and it’s performing that old familiar tune.

Or maybe the instrument is playing you.


strum…

Let’s confuse the situation a little more
Boys boys boys
Like I visited the Man Store.

Objection exception
Tango’s perception
Was the triangle squared?
Maybe it bared it’s soul.
Lose control
Take of this bowl
Forbidden
Fruit, like cake
Has my mind in ache
Body’s got the shakes
Shocking.
Invisible girl returns
Has she learned?
Invincible.
Player for Life, the game was right
Passing "GO" only gives you a speeding ticket.

So let’s just say…
Unknown.

She stalks
She balks
She walks

Invincible.

hebetude \HEB-uh-tood-; -tyood\, noun:
Mental dullness or sluggishness.


Hrmph. “A terminal funk of hebetude and sloth…” Methinks that is the way I am feeling today.

Work… you say? But of course.

Cyclical like banter
Singing chants like cantor

Job: The second cousin to Aunt So-AND-So, that nobody likes…every year she brings the same Jell-O mold.

Picked up a bucket of muse on the moon
Wished it were a pitcher of you
Sang a song about rumination
But Deliberation made “methinks” anew.

Thought about thinking
Walked without winking
Pots and pans clinking…

Cogitation in lieu.

So I grabbed a thicket of unreality
And put it in my Alpha-Caboodle Stew
Swirled it around with some subconscious decision
And my thoughts were still focused on Who.

Walked along a trail of indecision
Until it got off track
So now I find myself at the start of beginning
Tripping over truth with the facts.

Judged about judging
Drudged without nudging
Smear without smudging

Consideration says, “I do”.

So I set free a vile of anti-dissension
And got it out of my Alpha-Mélange Soup
Twisted it up in blender of Me
But Infallibility was thrown for a loop.

… and life on her planet will never be the same.

I felt so sneaky. There, in the snow, slyly covering my tracks like a fox on the trail of its newfound prey. I laughed. It was one of those hearty guttural laughs that brought back memories of childhood playfulness and mid-life crisis. My arms were numb, and my legs resembled a snowy incline, complete with avalanches and snow-slides. I wondered if my glove did cease to be a glove when it no longer protected me from the harsh reality that is winter. Frantically I continued. It was like I couldn’t stop, exhilarating me, exhausting me, taking every ounce of my being.

The snow danced on my face, the cold bit my feet, the ice stabbed my ears. But I continued. Gallantly. (QUICK! GET DOWN!) I thought someone was peaking out of the window. My adrenaline was pumping and my body glistened with sweat despite the frigid weather. I almost gave myself away. As I rounded the edge of completion the victory was mine. I had accomplished, defeated, life summoned me to a task and I was its owner. Then as I quickly ran away from my prey, I knew that somewhere, somehow, someway I made a difference. I was the catalyst. I made a change. The possibilities of outcomes were endless. I walked home, a victorious warrior returning to her rightful habitat.

…and when that family goes outside to start their car, they will see the result of my handiwork. For, their car was happily cleared of all snow by the Walk-By-Car-Clearer-Bandit. Their lives might never be the same.

I never ask why I received the mission, I never complain, I never think “why me”. I just do it, because that’s what life is all about. Make Change.

THE BLAME GAME: Tonight’s featured guest: The Downfall of Me

So let’s just say that you take responsibility for your own actions. And that you decide that the reason you couldn’t win the race was because you relied on Me to get you to the starting line.
Guess what, I have to rely on Me… Maybe there’s not enough to go around.
Guess what, Me needs a vacation.
Guess what, Me needs to curl up in a corner and read a good book.

So, you decide the reason you couldn’t pick up the reward money was because you relied on Me to bring you the bag to put it in.

Down on Me
Down on Me
Down on Me

Because You just got Up.

I have to admit…I’m a fan. The Apprentice has got me hooked. HOOKED I SAY! Let’s just start this by stating that I am a business-exalter. Business is how I thrive, processes, methodologies, and departmental breakdowns; those are my passions (sad, I know). I love the way people interact when they have a common goal. Methinks that is why my ex-boyfriend playfully dubbed me as “business-bitch” whenever I would get into my rant and rave mode about companies and events that peaked my interest.

Now with that preface, let’s talk about the show. Donald Trump: I’m diggin’ him. From his clear-cut decisions, to his perseverance and his playful mannerisms…he’s just the sort of billionaire you love to hate and hate to love. But, come on Mr. T… methinks it’s time for a hairstyle change. That puff of cotton candy you have protruding from your forehead is quite unbecoming (and just think, you didn’t even have to pay an image consultant for that advice). Let’s stick with the main point here: The Apprentice. Men vs. Women. VersaCorp vs. Protégé. Man vs. Himself. Woman vs. Machine. Money vs. Power (I see an upcoming made for TV movie here).

Things I love to hate about the show:
The random sampling of men and women chosen for the show are horrible. The women bicker and fight, the men can’t get their act together. There is not one among the sampling that seems intelligent enough or that has enough drive to be chosen as the apprentice.

What disturbs me most:
It’s all about money. All contestants focus on the fact that they want to have Trumps money, and that is what drives them to compete. Money isn’t everything folks… gaining respect form your peers, helping others in need, using your power and money to make a difference, now that is a worthwhile cause (can I get an AMEN?!).

Predictions:
Methinks they are going to choose the black female (Omarosa) in the end… she’s a political consultant and PhD candidate. Although I can’t stand her attitude and her “black power” trip, she seems like the most levelheaded and mature person for the job (which is not saying much). I’m not too impressed with any of the guys that are on the show, not in brains, or brawn, or individuality.

Tune in next week…

PICTURE THIS… it’s below zero outside. The exhaust of a thousand vehicles droning by like worker bees has tainted the new fallen snow. In the distance is an apartment; some might call it a home even though by nature it is a temporary dwelling. Our humble narrator can be seen in the distance, snuggled up close.
Shared existence, like parasite to host.
A host.

So, tonight a book is my long lost love.

And I’m the Queen of Chivalry
And I’m the Princess of Gallant
And I’m the Epitome of Courageous


lost

In the nadir of the narrator’s soul…because that is where I reside.

Wrap me up in a handshake
I’ll show you the depths of my smile
Cradle my feelings in a covenant of love
And delight me while your ambiance beguiles.

I can’t be your analgesic
But pain is the breath of a sigh
So when you feel the fingertips of life’s progression
I can help the pain to subside.

Wrap me up in a lullaby
I’ll show you the widths of my ease
Support my opinion in a pledge of devotion
And I’ll guide you with a passion that doesn’t cease.

I can’t be your magic potion
But I just might have the cure
So when you feel the birth pangs of resolution
My soul is an open door.

Be my BuildMeUp, so I can be your Try…

Enter me.

It slapped me in the face… the sting of realization in my eyes. You go along fighting, wondering, trying, being. And sometimes you don’t know what is right. And sometimes you put up a fight. But in the end it’s always the same theme.
Did I mention a moral?

Our humble narrator has come to some realizations, and they have always been there, perhaps it is the first time (again) she has decided to acknowledge them.
And life won’t be the same.
And her world does not remain.

I AM THE NARRATOR’S SOUL,
AND I’M RESTIVE,
AND I’M EXCITED.
DID I MENTION RELENTLESS?

So I e-mailed my heart, and I told it I was ready (CARBON COPY: Catalyst; BLIND CARBON COPY: Change).

So she’s restless again, and she thinks it’s about that time to throw life into the wind and see where it falls, more importantly see where G-d leads it. This is just the beginning…

Curtain remains open. Exit stage left.

Her life spilled out onto the canvas
A smear of anxiety
A dollop of doubt
A smidgen of fear

And it seemed pieces of her
were in every
stroke
of
the
brush.

A bit of blue
A slit of gray
A douse of black

and red was an afterthought.

bus•y P Pronunciation Key (b z )
adj. bus•i•er, bus•i•est
1. Engaged in activity, as work; occupied.
2. Sustaining much activity: a busy morning; a busy street.
3. Meddlesome; prying.
4. Being in use, as a telephone line.
5. Cluttered with detail to the point of being distracting: a busy design.

Let’s just say these past few week have been a little less than hectic, a little more than demanding, and just about eventful.

FACT: Vacation from work is not the same as vacation from mind
FACT: Friends, family, and acquaintances were all in alignment this week
FACT: I need a break. A BREAK I SAY!

So yeah, our humble narrator has found herself entertaining and being entertained more oft then not these weeks. And I just want to relax at home. And I just want to be alone. And I don’t want to answer the phone.

You get like that sometimes, right? Like you want to shut the world out for a while so you can think
And breath
And ponder
And create
And be… without outside influence. Well, my muse is not really suffering, but I haven’t found the time to…

Let’s talk about New Years. 11:45, Alpha The Great on the West Side Highway, no traffic.

And she screamed at the top of her lungs.
And she was in her car alone, which she loved.

So I went to this party in the city… and for some reason people want to be around each other for events, and for some reason people don’t want to be alone, and for some reason people get depressed when they are by themselves.
Not me.

So your humble narrator thought… he’s here, and he’s got money, and he’s got “friends”, and it seems he’s living it up. But I wonder how many of those people were here for him. You know? I mean how many people did he even know? That is what parties are about though… put a bunch of people in a room with some music and alcohol. In the end everyone just wants to get laid, or brag about who they are, or get laid, or brag about who they are, or get laid, or brag about who they are…


This IS New York, isn’t it?