Quick update: Papa Johnson is still in Intensive Care, feeling a bit better though, so that's good news!

I'd also like to introduce you to the newest member of our family, adopted this weekend. Joplin is quite the cutie (we took her to the Vet and she proved that she's quite the singer just like Janis!), we also call her Koala (because she loves to climb up shelves), Tiny Dancer (because she stands on her two back feet and it looks like she's dancing) and Teeny-Tiny (because she is SOOOO tiny she looks like she might break!)  Love this little bundle of joy, and Ryan and I are two very proud parents:o)

Last night I get frantic calls/texts from my family telling me to call my dad. He's been in Intensive Care for the past few days, not doing so well.  I walked outside for a minute, and upon coming back inside the phone was ringing off the hook.  I got scared, because it was almost 12 at night, and I thought for sure that my dad might have been no longer.  I called my father, his voice was weak as he told me they need to stop his heart and re-set it and that they weren't sure if they would be able to revive him after they stopped his heart.

It's weird.

I've dealt with death in the past, but usually the deaths were abrupt.  The thought of knowing you could be talking to your father for the last time hits you hard. I told him to hang on, and fight as hard as he could, that I needed him to stay around, to see my future children and walk me down the aisle when I get married.  I told him I loved him and he is the best father in the world and to be strong.
He pulled through last night, but the re-setting of his heart didn't help, so now they are going to attempt to do it again.

I feel at peace with death.  In fact I feel at peace with most any action that is out of my control. It hurts, and its sad, and the thought of being withheld form a person you care about is miserable. I guess that's why I try to give as much love away as I can everyday, because you never know who or when this thing we called life is going to be snuffed out.

so love. LOVE I SAY. and death can be overcome.
so live. LIVE I SAY. and death can be overrun.

There can be no regrets if you give your love willingly and express your love constantly.
-atg

The Color Purple was absolutely terrible! I was shocked that Broadway play would be so amateur. Some of the actors (like the guy who played Harpo) couldn't act his way out of a wet paper bag with scissors in his hand.

I felt bad because this was Ryan's first play, and it sucked so bad I was apologizing the whole time!  I love dance numbers in plays, but the choreography in this play was so off! The dancers were fumbling around and looked like they were just hired that day to perform without practice.

The worst was the scenery though, talk about high-school production quality! No scene changes and the same damn bedroom and tree scene the whole play. 

ATG gives this a doublethumbstuckupamonkey'sass

bleh.

Redeeming event of the evening: We ate dinner here, and it was scrump-didly-umptious!

I do think my fiance and I are single-handedly returning the economy to it's pre-crisis state!

Among our recent purchases:

• Tix to The Color Purple
• Aerogarden
• Patio furniture

sheesh, um, feel free to send us anonymous donations to pay for our habit!

TEAM ESSER = Glutinous!
Oh, and on a totally separate note, HOLY HOTTIES! My brother and his family totally got these glam shots that look awesome!

So we just bought this.

Used it yesterday, can't complain at this point, better than the bulk of a weight bench and gets the job done!

A bit pricey for a bunch of pulleys on a chord, but if after 1 week I see results, I'm sold!

5 random things for the Wednesday Soul:

1 - Saw the movie Avatar last night, what a ridiculously horrible movie and waste of 2 hours.  How this movie got so much praise is beyond me.

2 - I fully support Arizona's new immigration reform laws.  I hope all other states follow suit.

3 - We have over 25 names for our cat Frankenstein, here's the short list of names we call him (yeah, I know, we need to get a life):

• Frankenstein, Franken, Stein, Stein-ugiss, Stein-ophoclees, Weasel, Steiny-Heiny, Frankenberry, Sternum, Sternum-cakes, Steinasaurs, Steinasaurus Rex, Fatty, Fatty-cakes, Buddah, Weezy, Stein-kabobs, Stern, Frankerstern, Viesel...  

4 - Our new patio is almost done and looks AWESOME, we're going to get a movie projector screen so we can watch movies under the stars!

5 - Operation Weight Loss isn't going to hot... my fat ass is still, well, fat.

Here's what is getting my goat this morning (Inner Monologue says: really, ATG? goat? damn, you've really MOVED ON UP to the south).

Technology.   also pronounced techNOlogy

I'm sick of it and the inventors who think that the best thing since sliced bread is a smaller faster phone. A PHONE (she screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire...), where the fuck have we veered off the path!??

That seems to be the only thing entrepreneurs and creators are focusing on. ipads, ipods, iWannaSCREAM... who gives a fuck if you can dial a call faster, or search the net or any of that junk any faster or smaller? I don't care if I can't find the answer to (which arachnid has more legs, who won the title for most hot dogs eaten in a single minute, what's the tallest building) in 10.5 milliseconds.

It's time to focus on what really matters, tRaNsPoRtAtIoN!

TRANSPORTATION I SAY!!!!

Airplanes, seriously? Is this the best we can come up with?  It's been like 50 years without a new mode of transport, they had us all thinking we'd be flying around in small car-pods (the original iPods? she whispers in a Steven Colbert like retort).

Where's my:

Beam me up Scottie, and

personalized rocket launcher

and train that zaps you to your destination

or 

or

or

INNOVATION. that's the word I was looking for.

RIP innovation.

  you will be greatly missed (along with wigwam socks, puffy bangs, and spandex).

Went to the NC Zoo yesterday, nice little mother's day, 10 miles of walking in my  new Shapeups. I definitely was wore out by the end of the day... but my legs didn't hurt so rock on to that! Took a picture of this monkey, see anything peculiar? I hear red is the new black.

Kelli- totally took the comments thing off for you, so COMMENT AWAY!

So much happening... awesome Engagement Party in NJ last weekend, Nixie's wedding, and just  got back from a weekend at the beach... awesome time, freezing ocean, cute camping cottage, LOVE IT!

We got so many awesome gifts for our Engagement Party, and a crapload of gift certificates (which we have already purchased tons of stuff, including a shelf for our kitchen appliances, iron, toaster, etc).

Feeling totally blessed and amazing!!!!

Yesterday, we had our first summer barbecue! I was so excited to grill out, the weather was perfect, and Ryan and his dad actually FINISHED the deck! The actual deck part is totally built, now they just have to put on the side railings, screen and roof, it looks AWESOME! The barbecue was for Ryan's dad's birthday, and it was so much fun to have the kids playing in the hammock and outside near the deck. 

Funny/Weird/Gross Story: I've been trying to get estimates of having our entire yard fenced in with a privacy fence, everyone thinks I'm crazy for wanting that since the back yard looks so open and nice without one.... but we can see into our neighbor's yards and I don't really like that.  So to SEAL my case in winning that battle, I provide the following evidence:

Our neighbor to the right who keeps two yappy dogs in a small cage he built outside of his house, is training his dogs to hunt squirrel (yes, SQUIRREL), he EATS squirrel, so is making the dogs into hunting dogs to obtain said culinary delight. Yesterday, we are out on the deck, eating, partying etc. and WEIRD NEIGHBOR actually takes out a half/dead squirrel he has hanging by his neck with a string and plays with the dogs with it. We are all sitting their eating and what not, and then we are like what the heck is that guy doing, then we see very clearly that a bloody squirrel is hanging from a string and the dogs are going NUTS over it. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! 

Random Updates For The April Soul:

Easter has come and gone... here's a picture of the cookie-decorating contest in which neither of us won, (go figure). Great minds think alike!

Ryan & his dad have been diligently working on our patio that we are SO excited to use!!!  I'll post before an after pictures once it's up. I can't wait to grill out there!!!! LOVE having a huge yard!

So I'm trying SlimQuick. This here gal has gained some significant weight (damn you BEINGINLOVE, you ALWAYS do this to me!).  I need a little boost because my fat ass isn't going to fit in Nixie's bridesmaid dress by the end of the month!

Here's an impression of our cat Frankenstein pretending he's me:

Oi vey.

So... we went fishing two weeks ago, about 2.5 hours away from where we live, and guess who caught the biggest, ugliest catch of the day! Oh yes folks, twas I!

The fish is called a sea Skate

The dang thing was so heavy trying to reel it up (we were fishing on a pier) that I couldn't get it all the way up and Ryan (insert chivalrous music here) had to actually get it onto the pier...
Ugliest I've seen to date!

Here's a random kid pic that has nothing to do with the post:


Ode to the days of blogging all day! So much going on, so little time to type it up! Here's a funny story though:

Yesterday, the water in the bathtub wouldn't go down. We tried plunging it for like 20 minutes, still nothing. Ryan finally calls his dad (who's about to leave on vacation), so his dad rushes over here with a drain snake to try and snake the drain so we don't have to call a plumber (SEE ALSO: $200 house call). So his dad goes to snake the drain, and the snake (a metal long object that is supposed to fit down pipes) is not even REMOTELY going into the drain.

Suddenly *PAUSE FOR EFFECT*...
Mr. Esser (who is standing in knee deep crap water that is in the tub) looks up and flips the drain plug. The water immediately goes down. Talk about amateur house owners.

We were all laughing so hard at the whole thing, we totally would have called a plumber if his dad had already left on vacation, then that plumber would have looked at us like were fucking nuts to not know that the drain plug was up.

On another note, it's getting warm out here, and I love sitting in the backyard and reading my book. We have gorgeous trees and flowers coming in, and we just put up a hammock. We are driving to the coast (about 2 1/2 hour drive) tomorrow to go fishing at his parents rental campground (can't wait!)

Wedding plans are going wonderful and smooth:
-Church (booked)
-Reception location/food menu (booked)
-DJ (booked)
-Photographer (booked)
-Cake Maker (Bryna, booked)
Just need to tie up some loose ends

I'll try to find some time to update more often with all the things going on... it's funny because I was so used to having an apartment where my computer was always in my living room, so I would blog all the time... but now with a house, the computers have their own separate room for dwelling, and if I'm not working, I'm not on the computer!
dig it.

CHANGE IS COMING!!!
Doing a re-vamp of the site, pardon our appearance during construction!

Guess who just got engaged!!!??

better pics to come... whoooooooooHOOOOOOOOO

This weekend, December 12th, was Christmas! Well, we celebrated Christmas that is... Ryan's mother has to go to NJ to visit her father who is getting surgery, so she is going to be gone through X-mas, so we had Christmas on Saturday... we slept over at his parents on Friday night and woke up to Santa's bevvy of yuletide booty!

It's funny, because we slept in Ryan's old room... I hadn't been in his old room since I was about 16 or 17. When I used to go up to visit him I had to stay in his sister's room. So many memories!!!

Santa treated us very well, I might add... a gift certificate to go to a Zoo (I asked Santa for some "excursion" type gifts), an ice cream maker (made pumpkin ice cream last night!), and a bunch of other stuff, including a filled stocking and new Christmas PJs (which we were required to open on "Christmas Eve" and wear).

Had a blast, and although it was mid-December, totally felt like Christmas! We ate our selves silly and watched Christmas movies and played with his niece. Oh what fun it is too....

I still didn't take any pictures of our tree and houselights, daggonnnnnit...I'll get on top of that soon.

Here's us in front of his parent's tree.

Dearest Blog, I have not forsaken thee...
It's been rather busy in the Esser-Johnson household. We got our Christmas tree yesterday my in-laws came over to help decorate and hang lights, this is my first time with a REAL tree in a HOUSE. LOVE IT!!!!!!! I'll put up some pics in a bit. Turkey Day was great, didn't overeat... now it's back to the grind. Can't believe its the HOLIdaze already!!! Wanna know what I want for KwanzaaChristmasaka???
Hm... here's a partial musing:
-A new granite composite sink
-New counters for the kitchen (to go with my new sink)
-Books about gardening (indoor and outdoor plants)
-Wine making kit
-Recipe Books
-Craft Books & Supplies
-Re-Gifted stuff that is laying around your house that you never use (like -stationary, candles, candle holders, Messmer Teacher re-gifts, etc)
-BRYNA- I WANT YOU TO MAKE ME A FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH (like the pictures you take of flowers and frame them so they look all professional and stuff)
-NICOLE - hand-made recipe book
and a partridge in a pear...

Phew, it's been a while... sorry my little blog-flowers. Renovations galore, so tired at the end of the day, my lame butt is asleep by like 10! On Halloween...I painted ALL day and put together bookshelves and hung curtains. Didn't even REMOTELY dress up, kids don't come trick-or-treating on the streets here, they have some thing at the mall where everyone goes... so I didn't get any candy, and then 5 kids stopped by around 9:30 PM, and me and Ryan are like OH SHIT! So we gave them what we had:
Quarters and some Hansen's diet cherry soda, heeheee, we were laughing so hard. I almost gave them the canned sauerkraut we had in our cabinet!

Anywhoo, still quite a bit more decorating to do, but here's the kitchen and my office so far. DIG IT!

Bryna- I PROMISE I will try to call you at 6ish when you are off this week!!! Oh, and post some Hallow's Eve pics, I LOVE Suz's costume!

So "Anonymous" left me a comment that made me chuckle. (See Wednesday September 16th post).
Here it is:

finally - get the fuck out of this state you ugly whore
Anonymous | 10.01.09 - 4:48 pm | #

I LOVE the fact that either a jealous guy or a woman scorned felt inclined to show me some love. Never had hate mail before, WHOOHOHOOOOOOOOOO, dig it!

this girl moved.
she did.

so much to update... i LOVE LOVE LOVE being a house wife.
Just had a new kitchen floor put down (see also my man is quite the handy-man)
Re-doing and Re-decorating, that's the name of the game.

Ryan and I are doing swell... can't get enough of him. Love having fishes and kitties and all those domesticated things.
Pics to follow shortly.

Before and After of the very red (very very red) kitchen that I am alpha-tizing above.

Need some re-modeling ideas folks! Send 'em my way!!!
hee haw.

it's official. ryan (pronounced "RHYYYYYaaaaaaan")and i will officially be roommates on October 3rd 2009.

selling all my shit this weekend, hopefully. more like GIVING it away.

goodbye Cali, you've been a pioneer of blissful existence.

North Cacka-lacka, here I come!!!!!

reunited... and it feels so good.
story to follow, but here's a glimpse:
boy grew up in same town as girl.
boy and girl are in 6th grade together.
boy moves away.
boy comes to visit cousin when they are about 15.
boy and girl fall in love.
boy and girl date for a few years, long distance.
girl goes to college.
boy and girl are still wildly in love.
girl and boy split... because she wants to travel the world and this and that and he...well he's not so into thising and thating.
boy and girl don't talk for years and years.
boy contacts girl 10 years later.
boy visits girl.
boy and girl are still in love.

alpha moves to a different state, to be with boy.
to be continued...

Vegas Baby!!!! For my bro's b-day, so much to tell, so little time.
On another note... ATG is in LOVE (details to follow)
GET THIS GIRL SOME: THISING and THATING

while the past gives her dandelion a blow...

RYAN!!! Totally calling you later today, can't wait to catch up.
Holy Shit!

Okay, so I'm perusing Craigslist tonight...not feeling like going anywhere (and making homemade pasta and bread instead!), and I do spy with my little eye this little gem. Seriously dude!!! LOVE THE PIC!!! Ha, this almost made me wet myself. Complete with matching douche bag post... feels like I'm in Durty Jersey again.

If this is the LA dating pool, then methinks I'm in for quite a dry spell.

Dig it.


Here's the posting (Men for Women section)----------------------------

Only for ladies who know the real man is. No small tit ladies, only big tits. I bench press you to turn you on. I work out much because I am real man. Man who do not work out not real man. I am real man. You will see. You getting the wetness when you see my muscles. No pic no reply.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

image 1323499561-0

PostingID: 1323499561

Just got back from the Jerse, had a blast... so good to see family and friends. Only snafu was on the last day before I left, I dropped my dad off at the ER... he's in ICU and has to stay there for a few days, so he's in some pretty bad shape. Just glad I was there or else he would have waited an extra day to go to the hospital.

It's funny how timing is... when you really start to think about it, maybe the whole purpose behind my trip was so that I would be there the time he got sick and insist he went into the hospital (when he was hell-bent on not going and just getting some rest). Think of the actions that had to take place, since the day I was born to make that happen! So keep Dave Johnson in your thoughts and prayers or rain-god dances...

I have so many funny stories and events and happenings to share... one funny tidbit is that one of my dad's friends gave me a $50 check for my birthday, I was like "whoa, this person doesn't even know me!!!", well we can all guess what happened there, right??? The check bounced and MY bank charged me a $12 fee, so funny, you have to laugh at the irony! So in actuality, I guess I ended up paying that lady $12 for my bday, hehee. Life is good.

On another note... I told my ex never to contact me again. So it's truly over on my end. He was calling and e-mailing and what not so I had to lay down the law. I'm totally ready to move on and date someone in the non-crazy realm.

I'm going to try online dating, like eHarmony or something like that. I meet folks all over the place and never had an issue meeting folks but I need to get away from dating the same type of person every time (tall, white, brown hair, blue eyes, tortured soul).

So I'll let you know how that goes, if anything, should make for some awesome blogging fodder.

Love it.

So I had my very first bout of domestic violence last night. Don’t worry, I wasn’t hit or anything, but my ex-boyfriend DEFINITELY crossed the line when it comes to how to behave rationally.

It was quite strange, and I was debating on whether I would share, and decided that I would, because I figure I’m lucky that this is the first time I have ever encountered a situation such as this, and maybe this will remind me next time to REALLY get to know someone before: movinginmakingbabyplansmarryinglivingtogether

Long story short:
Don’t date crazy people.

Long story long:
1.5 years I spent getting to know my ex-beau… and it appears I did not know him at all (which kind of sucks, but whatever, plenty more fishes in the sea to choose from, but seriously, what the hell is with you men, you are all utterly fucking nuts).

So he says he wants to take me out for my birthday, I’m like “hell yeah”. Even though things have been quite rocky with us lately (SEE ALSO: He couldn’t seem to get over the fact that I went on a mini vacation without him~ June 30th San Fran Vacay with Nixie), he kept telling me he felt he was going “crazy in his head”, he was extremely stressed all the time seemingly for no reason, he started drinking more than usual, he exhibited mid-life crisis type behavior, the list goes on and on…)

So last night, I pick him up, and he seemed agitated right from the onset. We get some groceries and eat out on the balcony, beautiful night sipping some wine,
everything.
seemed.
fine.

So then we go inside, ready to watch a movie, and he mentions something ONCE AGAIN about the San Francisco trip (seriously dude, that was over a month ago and I went for three fucking days) and how he was not happy about it. My response was “I can’t change the past, but we can certainly take a trip any time you’d like.”

To which he stands up, his eyes bulge out of his head, his face turns bright red, he starts SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS (I mean FOR REAL screaming) that HE IS SO ANGRY, and HE’S NEVER BEEN SO MAD IN HIS LIFE, and some other choice words in between.

I’m kind of taken off guard a bit, but I very calmly say, “You need to calm down, I have no idea what is wrong”. To which he walks over to my dining table, grabs a chair and thrust it over his head.

(Pause)
What was I doing?? Just sitting on the couch, unflinching, thinking how very weird this situation was
(Restart)

So he’s all SCREAMING like a mad man, practically foaming at the mouth and he takes the chair and slams it onto the floor, bending the solid metal rod that was the leg of the chair.

*GASP* (so what do you do ATG???)
I grab his shoes, open the door and say very politely “You need to leave”. He walks out, I shut the door, return to the couch and press “Play” to begin my movie.

So fucking weird.

But that’s life sometimes… totally unpredictable, a fair-weathered friend and foe that smiles in your sunshine face while brewing up a thunderstorm beneath.

Some birthday though, huh??!! I sure know how to pick ‘em! Oi vey.

So today is my ACTUAL birthday, Jodi Lee's was on the 27th, but hey, who's counting. It's all up hill from here, right???

for those that need reminding, here's the story


so sing to me oh bloglets... for today is thine actual creation date.

DURTY FUCKIN' THIRTY B-day Bash in LA (part uno)
whooohoooo

Um, I'm officially old. WOOT WOOT!!!!